Disclaimer: This post is intended for mature audiences above the age of 18. references to mental health are included within this post. Reader discretion is advised.
Dear Readers
The year is 2023 and the topic of mental health is still shrouded in disdain. It is still largely stigmatized and people are still dying unnecessarily. That's the cold hard truth of it and I know it's painful to read but it is also painful to write as well. I have spent my life carrying depression and anxiety on my back so when I speak of these topics I talk from a place of personal experience. I know everyone's experiences are different and I appreciate that so please do not be offended if anything I say in this post comes across as blunt, cold or heartless. When I talk about my own mental health I tend to dwell on it and get a bit upset thinking about the people who are no longer with us due to taking their own lives and I wonder if the systems of support were better, would they still be here?
Did you know: "Over 700,000 people take their own life each year – that's one person every 40 seconds (World Health Organization) 115 people die by suicide in the UK every week – with 75% of those deaths being male. in 5 people have suicidal thoughts (NHS Digital) 1 in 14 people self-harm (NHS Digital)".
The above words are a result of a simple Google search engine query about suicide. These numbers are horrific don't you think? In the time it has taken me to write this article, more than 5 people have taken their own lives. Within ASD, minority communities and the LGBTQIA communities this number is drastically higher and I am here to say that more needs be done about it. Our services are criminally underfunded and more often than not so many of us are going unnoticed and falling through the cracks of a completely overwhelmed and broken system.
Depression
Throughout my life I have always suffered with depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. If it wasn't for me having a meltdown and going into a very dark place a few years ago, I would never have been diagnosed with Asperger's and I highly doubt I would even still be alive today. I have been ready to end my life on a handful of occasions and part of that was feeling like I was completely misunderstood and I was unable to find genuine, real, continuous support from any doctors of GP's without waiting over twelve months to be seen and then even longer to be diagnosed. So I never bothered speaking to any medical professionals about my mental health until roughly five years ago.
Depression can strike at anytime and it doesn't give you or others any notice. Depression doesn't care about your gender identity, your sex, your race or religion. Depression comes for us all and it can and will affect every single person in at least one stage in their lifetime. So why isn't there a massive support network for it?
Instead we turn to each other for comfort, support and we share our problems to alleviate our pain. Some of us drink alcohol excessively, some of us do drugs, some of us play video games to escape and ease the pain. Others are workaholics, sex addicts, gambling addicts and I think this is evident in our society even more now than ever. People are walking around as former shadows of themselves, wandering through life without knowing where to turn and how to get help.
Self harm
I use to inflict harm upon myself because I saw it as a way to purge the pain from my body, mind and calm my relentless intrusive thoughts. All that's left now is a bunch of scars all over my body which tell a story of someone who was completely lost in the darkness with no way of finding the light.
I am proud to say I have not cut myself for a very long time and I aim to keep it that way. Self harm has absolutely no value whatsoever. Instead of self harming, I turned to my hobbies and interests and decided to dive deeper into them. Please, I urge anyone out there who engages in this behaviour to STOP and THINK before you feel the urge to harm yourself. Take a moment to think rationally and ask yourself, if this really worth it? The answer every single time will always end up being NO.
Many people also used to think that because I was suicidal that I wanted to actually die. A few people actually told me to kill myself more than once. "If you're gonna do it, just do it already and stop asking for attention". That's the thing, I've always felt suicidal but I don't want to die, I just want to find ways to cope and manage my emotions so I can function and find as much joy and fulfillment in life as the next person. I think that nobody truly wants to die, if they do I can only imagine in their last breaths they would be filled with a deep sense of regret.
Stress
I think the hardest part for me about being Autistic is recognizing when situations are stressing me out. The last few years have been a conscious battle, fighting to find more peace, internally and externally. I think of stress kind of like a bar and every tiny little thing, which doesn't usually stress Neurotypical people out, can really damage me and stress me out. With each little stressful moment a piece of that bar fills. Eventually that bar gets full and I externalize that with sadness, breakdowns and feeling completely defeated. In the moment I don't realize it but then it creeps up on me when i'm reflecting later on in the day. That is partially due to me processing things slower and also being very mindful regarding other peoples words and actions.
I make it my job each day to monitor that stress bar and counter it by doing things I love to reduce those stress levels. After a really tough day I will ignore my messages on my phone and get straight into a video game to relax, escape and unwind. Noticing these stressors and managing them is not easy. Reducing stress has become one of my main motivators to living a happy and well balanced life. Stress has been proven to cause so many physiological and neurological issues. These include:
Higher blood pressure
Depression and anxiety
Obesity
Asthma
Decreased immune system
Fatigue, restlessness and problems with sleep
Diabetes
Trouble regulating emotions
Skin conditions
Arthritis
Lower cognitive reasoning/Hand eye coordination/Reaction times
Do you see where i'm going with this? So now apply all of these symptoms to an Autistic brain, That's a potent poisoning of our bodies and minds. I do whatever I can to try and reduce my stress levels.
Rest
Rest is important, whether it's resting on your day off from work, or getting enough sleep so you can be productive and function properly, I have learned not to underestimate how important sleep and rest are. When I talk to people about how much sleep I need, they often say to me "Wow that's a lot!". I only need X or Y amount of hours to sleep". For reference my optimal amount of sleep each night is Nine hours.
When someone boasts about their need for less sleep I find it incredibly frustrating and slightly insulting. Everyone needs different amounts of sleep to function well and this obsessive need humans have to prove they can operate on less sleep is so destructive. It's not healthy to live on four hours of sleep each night, at least not for me. This is all part of societies work hard, play hard mentality which is designed to make us all compete against each other. I ignore this type of mentality because they more often than not, stem from someones own insecurities. Do what is best for you. How can you make rational decisions if you're only getting four hours of sleep each night? I think It's counter productive and not sustainable. There is a vast wealth of research to support this too. To me this comes across as Toxic Positivity. I appreciate working hard but working hard whilst contributing to my own destruction is not how I like to live.
I have found that taking things at a slower pace has really helped me maintain momentum and decrease burnout. I relax and rest often as well as maintaining the same sleeping schedule which usually includes a minimum of eight hours of sleep each night. My Autistic brain needs a lot of time to recharge and I have accepted that and adapted my lifestyle to suit it.
Ever since doing this I have noticed a massive increase my ability to regulate my emotions, reactions and reasoning skills. Whilst well rested I can cope better with the world and all that it throws at me. In contrast if I have three poor days of sleep in a row then I can be really emotional, upset and snappy.
My advice is to find your optimal amount of sleep needed each night and stick to it consistently. Consistency is key here, don't worry about having a few off days as life always gets in the way. If the majority of your sleep is optimal then you should really see a difference in your mental health and well being quite quickly.
Final thoughts and some tips that may help
I have struggled with the tone of this post for a week now but I also remembered if this post helps anyone at all, in anyway then I would be ecstatic. Talking about mental health is important and I think we should all be open to discussing it more instead of being ashamed. Be authentic and be real about your emotions. It's okay to not be okay.
Talk to someone, a friend, family member or a trusted colleague. Sometimes anonymously sharing with strangers can actually help.
Start the ball rolling on seeking professional help. If you can't be seen immediately then let your doctor know it's urgent and you need to speak to someone. Be assertive and make sure your voice is heard. Going to Therapy changed my life and I would say, Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Ring or text a helpline, there are multiple helplines out there and they are usually open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this so don't be ashamed to pick up the phone and talk to someone.
Stay well rested, well hydrated and listen to your body and its needs. If you need to sleep for 12 hours, do it. If you need to change your diet, start making some little changes and eventually they add up to an entire lifestyle change.
Move often, dance, run, crawl, jog, it doesn't matter! Move your body often and find something you enjoy which involves physical exertion. Regular exercise and movement helps with mental health and well being.
Start a new hobby or dive deeper into your hobbies and interests. Solitude can sometimes create boredom and cause the mind to wander. I am happiest when I'm completely immersed in something, such as a video game, movie, series or a great book snuggled up on the sofa. Tap into your hobbies and interests or seek new ones.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
Chinese Proverb
Thanks for reading
Oli
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