Dear Readers
I always get asked so many random and strange questions from people, the main one is a seemingly simple question but for me I find it quite hard to answer but I am going to try and keep the rants and tangents to a minimum whilst doing so. Grab yourself a drink, get somewhere cosy and lets get straight into it.
When asking the question: What is Autism Spectrum disorder? The answer is much simpler in it's very basic form. ASD is categorized in medical terms as a Neurological and developmental disability which affects an individuals ability to interact with the world how "normal" (Neurotypical) people usually do. Here are some details of key characteristics, along with some of my own experiences.
Social and Communication challenges and behaviours
Lack of social skills, inability to pick up on social norms and etiquette. Unable to understand sarcasm, tone of voice or a delayed response to the punchlines of jokes and satire. Some are also non verbal.
Acting what Neurotypical people would call weird or strange maybe with some of their habits, routines or actions.
Difficulty forming, managing and maintaining relationships.
Taking things literally (i'm a sucker for this one, someone could tell me they've won the lottery and I would believe them every single time).
Seek out time alone after social interactions/events/days out. I often felt so strange when I had been to a family dinner or a night out with friends because when I'd get home I would be absolutely exhausted and worn down. To the point where I had to shut the world out for the next few following days. I would ignore everyone and just get lost in a video game to recharge and rebuild my strength ready for the next set of social interactions. As I've gotten older it's gotten a lot easier because I am now so careful and selective with who I spend my time with. If someone is draining your energy pool, maybe think about cutting them out. It's nothing personal either, if it helps your mental health and your well being then my advice is to start cutting people out which drain your energy and keeping all of the ones which give you energy. Snip snip away, once I trimmed the energy drainers and started taking care of my mental health more I soon noticed how much more energy I had to allocate to other tasks, people and activities. (sorry for the tangent on this one but this definitely one of the traits I was a victim to in my early years. I spent all my energy helping others but I did not save any to help myself).
Taking more time to answer questions, respond or process information.
A lack of empathy, seeming distant and disinterested
Repetitive behaviours and routines
Sticking to the same foods and wearing the same clothes. Travelling too and from work and keeping a strong foundation of rigidity and routine. People often ask me how I can eat the same meal three days in a row. (Love a good cheeseburger and I'd devour a Five Guys burger everyday If I had the money) It's simple really, I love certain types of foods and I am happy eating it over and over again without a care in the world.
Repeating movements, rocking from side to side, playing with an object like a fidget spinner, rubix cube or even something something simple like a wrist band. Most of us do these things to relax and keep my calm. In certain situations when I am more anxious I start to touch each finger to my thumb one by one and then go through a selection of random finger to thumb touches to help me relax and reduce anxiety levels. This is referred too as Stimming. Sometimes I also do it for fun whilst walking. Being grounded and focusing on my touch sense kicking in means I can do it often and anywhere and it really does help me stayed focused when I'm experiencing sensory overload. For others with Autism this might include making certain noises or using phrases out loud to help them relax and reduce anxiety, stress or anger levels.
Sensitivity on the senses
Being unable to cope when the sound of something is incredibly loud/overpowering/anxiety inducing. A few years ago (before my diagnosis) I went to a family dinner at a restaurant and it was packed. Every seat, table, bar stool and counter had someone sitting in them. When I got there I felt fine and quite happy but after ten minutes of trying to listen to my family talk to me I started to feel very unwell. My palms were sweaty, my face was turning pale and I knew it. The ambient mix of sounds such as people talking, laughing, moving and the overall atmosphere of the restaurant was a complete assault on my senses. I sat there and tried to relax and I imagined being alone on a warm sunny beach listening to the wonderful waves washing up against the sand. Even that didn't help me. I rushed out of the restaurant and went to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and then went and sat outside to avoid having a panic attack. Listening to all of those sounds was painful for me, it caused my body to want to shut down and I think If I didn't go outside to have a break I most certainly would have fainted or puked. Once I got home I began researching panic attacks and that's when I stumbled upon the phrase sensory overload. I began gearing up with an array of coping techniques, ready for my next sensory overload battle with society. Useful tip: Listen to music with over ear headphones if you need to escape but cannot physically escape the situation/place. It's generally not considered rude either if the people around you are aware of your Autism. Sometimes It is necessary.
Aversion to hugging, handshaking or any physical touch. Many people on the Spectrum do not like hugging, handshaking or any touch. For a lot of people on the Spectrum the recent Covid-19 pandemic was a relief in terms of setting up new boundaries and social distancing. Disregarding handshakes and the new acceptance of not handshaking has certainly worked in our favour. For me however, I have always enjoyed a hug as a form of greeting my friends and family as well as saying goodbye. I enjoy hugging and I have no problem with intimacy on that level with certain people, mainly friends and family.
Hobbies and Interests
Mastering hobbies and fixating on certain interests is particularly common among many Autistic people. I for example have been an avid Gamer since a very young age. I have played video games on nearly every console which has been invented and I have over 30,000 hours of gaming time spread across many different genres. I would consider myself be an expert Gamer in terms of the amount of games I have played. I can pick up nearly any game and learn how to play within a few minutes and then advance from beginner to mastery within a few weeks. I am a huge fan of 3rd person shooters, first person shooters, Role playing games and fantasy games. Any recommendations let me know in the comments section Currently playing The Forest on my PC. (Apparently branching off into tangents is something I cant seem to stop. So you're stuck with the randomness and quirkiness of my Autistic brain). You're a trooper if you got this far into the post, congrats.
Writing this blog has already become such a fun hobby for me because it feels so freeing to write everything out. I get home from my full time job and then put an hour or two into this blog each week. It's cheaper than therapy too *Winks*. I sincerely hope I can provide some sort of value to anyone out there who is reading this. In a short space of time this has definitely become a hobby of mine. Two weeks ago I knew next to nothing about blogging.
Anxiety, Meltdowns and Shutdowns
The vast of majority of people on the Spectrum suffer with different levels of anxiety. Varying from manageable to extreme anxiety/panic mode. The key to dealing with anxiety levels is to start learning about your triggers. What triggers you and makes you anxious? During therapy I learnt more about my own triggers and ways to cope with the anxiety. I use Stimming, visualization and breathing techniques to reduce and control my anxiety. I also make sure to avoid any places or situations where there will be a lot of triggers and unknown variables. Another way to maintain focus and keep my mind clear is to not drink too much alcohol when I'm out and about. I find alcohol can sometimes make my anxiety worse.
Meltdowns: A meltdown can occur when a person is completely overwhelmed. The person will be unable to control their physical actions and these can manifest in the form or shouting, crying, screaming, punching or hitting of any kind. Or a mix of both of these types of behaviours. Over the years I have had many meltdowns and my Mother always blamed it on hormones or the usual teenage growth spurts and so on. Bit hard to blame it on hormones when you're 23 and you're having a meltdown because someone ate your food in the fridge (true story).
Shutdowns: When a person is experiencing a shutdown they might often go completely unnoticed by others. They become quiet and completely non responsive. It is sometimes hard to spot a shutdown due to the passive nature of it. During my work days I often experience shutdowns. I work with people and customers every day so putting a smile and serving customers can be quite exhausting for me. I always have my best smile on though and not once has a customer ever noticed that I am Autistic. I have become at master of Masking.
When I was diagnosed I struggled to come to terms with the fact I am now classed as disabled. That completely blew my mind and I think the main reason it's classed as a disability is because people's Autistic traits, abilities and competencies differ so greatly that all of the disabilities come underneath the umbrella term Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Even now I don't see myself as someone who is disabled, sometimes I struggle to understand some things or it takes me longer to process them, but I understand eventually. Since letting my diagnosis sink in and changing my life dramatically I'm now much happier, positive and I see things with much more clarity. For anyone out there who is struggling and/or going through the process of getting diagnosed my best advice is to stay positive, be patient and remind yourself that no matter what happens you are enough! You will always be enough and you always have been. Sending my warmest air hugs to all of you out there who are in that position. Remember, "It's not a disability, it's a different ability".
If any of this resonates with you then please let me know in the comments section and as always, Thanks for reading!
Oli
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